Columbia Division
Posted: March 3rd, 2009 | Author: admin |Columbia Division Summer 2009
The Schedule for the Rest of the Summer Season:
June 25- Business as usual. Drinking hats everyone
June 29- Makeup Games from earlier in the season (please see below)
July 2- Regular Thursday Games
*July 6- Makeup Date *If games are rained out on June 29 or July 2
July 9- Final Games of Regular Season
July 11- End of Season Party at Location TBA
July 13- Number 8 vs Number 9 Seed Game
July 15- First Round of Playoffs
July 16- Semi-Finals and Finals
Thirsty Thursdays:
***Our schedule caused the collegiate resurgence of Messed up Mondays and Wasted Wednesdays***
- $8 Coors Light Pitchers
- $3 Coors Light Bottles
- $3 Rail Drinks & House Wine
Hungry Hungry Hippos:
- $4 Chicken Tenders & Buffalo or BBQ Wings
- $6 Grilled Chicken Sandwich or Hamburger (with or w/o cheese), both served with Fries
- $4 House or Caesar Salad
SEASON DETAILS
- WHEN: Thursdays, 6:45pm/7:30pm
- WHERE: Walter Pierce Park (Adams Mill Road & Calvert St NW)
- SPONSOR BAR: Morgan’s
RESOURCES
- DCK Rules Brochure (8.5×14, Legal-sized)
- Lineup & Position Sheet
Meet the Board
Alan Van Grack - General Motor.
A regular Donald Trump, he’s in real estate and doesn’t shy away from comments on his hair. A kickball fiend, this guy has kicked more balls than a salty girl who just got dumped. He yearns of a day The Monkees will reunite at which point he’ll dash his fall-back of replacing Long of Long & Foster to pursue his one true dream. Alan is our general manager behind the scenes but hopefully won’t make a habit out of lurking in dark corners at the bar. He’s here to help and has “VIP” access to the whole league.
Graham Fisher - The Man on Top.
Popping Columbia’s presidential cherry, Graham is the division’s first head honcho. Ruling with an iron hockey stick, this Caps fan has the power to take over this city faster than a cheetah booking it out of the National Zoo. He’s the guy to go to with your questions,comments and concerns this season so keep an eye out for him. On the field, mention Tyler Perry and/or sing Nickelback and he’ll lose his cool and melt at the whim of your team like a popsicle on the 4th of July. Ladies, too nervous to chat him up? Ask him to play a round of MASH and he’ll turn into an open book right before your eyes.
Allie Perlstein - In the fitting words of Paul Simon…You Can Call Her Al.
Might as well call her Canadian, Allie hails from upstate New York and is a co-VP. If you try to kiss her she’ll first tell you it’s not a contract and then go on to sing an entire Flight of the Conchords set list. You can always spot a drunk Allie if mid-convo you realize that she’s developed a thick french, jamaican or long island accent. Make sure you call her out if you see her fist-pumping, it was her new year’s resolution to give it up and she’s not doing to hot. From New Jersey? She’ll make sweet sweet tender love to you on the spot. She wants to be Heidi Montag when she grows up.
Julia Brinkmann - Joe Biden
Yours truly. She’s co-VP with Allie and writer of this journalistic orgasm. Ever the lush, give her 1 rum & coke and she’ll latch on to you like a venereal disease before the discovery of antibiotics. Her drug of choice is Dr. Pepper and friends would call it wise to hide your baby if she hasn’t had her fix since she tends to develop bouts of touretteswith toddlers under 6 taking the brunt. If she doesn’t answer your calls, she’s napping.
Mary Wessendorf - Ms. Money Bags
Mary is Columbia’s treasurer. This comes to no surprise as her dream man is Alan Greenspan. When not budgeting our parties she can be found in the Georgetown bar scene or sneaking into medical labs to kill the rodents. How to spot her? She’s usually pink-clad and will be the one singing when either Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” or Mariah’s “Always be my Baby” come on the sound system.
Coreen Mao - Occupation: Socialite
Baltimore native, Coreen packs more heat than the cast of The Wire combined. Somebody call her Serena van der Woodsen, she’s our social maven and no bar in DC is out of her league, though shehas been known to feel the effects and tends to leave a trail, including but not limited to sprinkling Blackberries around town. She’s recently given up her health insurance in lieu of good ‘ol Verizon insurance. She had a childhood dream of becoming Ace Ventura but has since given it up to concentrate on making it onto A&E’s “Invervention”.
Fabian Jarrin - Resident Frat Boy
This nutty Virgo is our social Zeus and works with Coreen to plan our parties. He takes his job to heart and will actually be offended if you turn him down on having a drink. Ye be warned, weak stomachs. A member of the Grown Ass Men, his team’s name doesn’t lie since his passion is to watch Die Hard as he makes mix tapes of 80’s music and Paulina Rubio songs. I don’t need to tell you how to find him, you’ll just know.
Kim Burkett - Columbia’s own Mother Teresa.
As seen on Dancing with the Stars, Kim can cut a rug better than Beyoncé in the Single Ladies video. Though an all-around athlete, this is her first season playing kickball. Whatever she lacks on the field she’ll either make up with her signature Shirt Roll move on the dance floor, knowledge of Dwight Shrute or general trivia. Give her your ideas for charity fund raisers; no idea is out of question as she’s ready to do whatever it takes to give back to the community. Sperm banks are not excluded.
Scott Thomas – Balls & Whistles.
[Scott also goes by SVU’s Elliot Stabler, THESE are his stories.] Hailing from the great Midwest,
Scott has made his grand voyage east by river raft to play kickball. He is the head ref so get ready to
schmooze him up to give your team an advantage. If not, you can always get your vindication at the
flip cup table. As a former Buckeye cheerleader, his guns have been seen the world over…including ESPN!
